I’m really tired of hearing: “Oh, I just can’t have ________ in the house, or I eat it all!”
Heads up: usually we buy food to eat it.
For the past few weeks, I have been eating very “healthy”. This is a red-flag word for me, as someone still recovering from anorexia. In my mind, it means “clean eating” (whatever that is), the consumption of food that will give me nutrients and taste good and and isn’t “junk”. For me this means lots of whole grains, fresh fruits and vegetables, plant oils, nuts and seeds, tofu, yogurt, soymilk, beans, etc. And after a few days of eating like this, I can feel a difference.
And I don’t mean I feel healthier. I start to crave high-calorie, high-fat, and high-sugar foods.
Now, my philosophy is that when your body craves something, you should give in to it and abate the craving, or it will not go away. Maybe it’s not the same for everything. But I know from personal experience that’s how my body works.
So… after all this “healthy” eating, I really wanted a dessert. How long has it been since I had dessert? And I don’t mean those whole wheat fig bars that I’ve been munching on and attempting to pass off as junk food. It had been, to be honest, a while. That’s not a good sign for me, because I don’t want to slip into restricting my food again. Sometimes it’s even hard for me to tell when I am restricting.
I decided that I really wanted some Nutella.
And somehow, my body was needing it. This is what I choose to believe, because I ate 1/2 a jar of Nutella today. Nutella with crackers, Nutella on a banana, Nutella straight from the jar, Nutella on bread. Not even at one time; I ate this half jar over the span of the whole day. And you know what? I feel okay. I feel highly satiated, satisfied, and sick of Nutella.
Sometimes, you do need to give in to cravings. As a someone still in recovery, yes, it terrifies me to eat that much “junk” food. But strangely, I feel okay with it today. I acknowledge that I am a young, active person who needs lots of energy from food. I DO get hungry! I also crave variety in textures, tastes, and “healthiness” of my snacks.
And really, what’s wrong with eating a pound of candy one day? Or only French fries for lunch? This is what I say to myself when I get scared of the food I’ve eaten or am eating. I will not eat that every day. It’s just food. It should have no control over me. We humans use it for energy. It’s not a good feeling when a certain food has so much power, you “can’t have it in the house”. I don’t want to live in a house like that. I want to stock my cupboards with Nutella, granola, chocolate, cookies, and chips! Because I know I’ll also have an abundance of apples, beans, broccoli, carrots, bananas, tortillas, lentils, lettuce, pears, cheese, salsa, and rice. I refuse to believe I can’t keep a dessert in my house because I might eat too much of it. Sometimes I will eat too much of it! And that’s normal. Some days I will inevitably eat less than usual as well. Some days I will truly, honestly crave my quinoa or tofu or celery!
But you know what?
I’m not craving Nutella anymore!