monsoon season

steamy breath of asphalt cigarettes

sandals slapping puddles and the dogs

scurrying, tails low, to avoid the raindrops

skittering across poppy petals

faraway thunder grumbles in

the half-sunny, half-black sky

and i keep walking, still

far from home

This Work

It feels awkward to type with grief sitting on my shoulders.

The ghosts sidle in, mutter Write a line for me.

Half – paralyzed when someone asks what’s up? Why

have things been hard? what’s going on u good or ??

Not really? idk

how to say it without second-

third- fourth- hand vicarious traumatization

So I say just part of this work. Which maybe is true.

Maybe everyone else is all burned out too.

“still”

creeps into my poems lately

(check the last one)

I’m still young, I still write poetry, still

compel hands to hover over the keys,

fingers to tap out some muddled sentiment

on this hot whirring box of wires

missing my older poems written

at 19 when I was a little more wild

maybe more unaffected

I still have time (we all think this way)

to do something with my life

Melancholy

I do still get that strange thoracic ache

of childhood, which I used to call “homesick”

in order to make sense of the sudden lump in my throat and

the furtive thought YOU’RE NOT ALRIGHT!

At 28, I am still unclear why these pangs plague me,

catching me especially

as I drive through Granite weekday mornings

while I curse the clocks forever ticking forward, forward

when I haven’t yet figured out age 10 — so complicated

a thing to dissect. Still I have no name for this melancholy sense

that elbows against my stomach and lungs

shoving for space inside my very skin.

racing

I’ve been feeling a bit like a racehorse missing a leg

asked to run the most laps in my life

I’m a stupid fuck, trying to race when I can’t even walk

and dredging up words is such a chore when

I know there’s been something dark and creeping

nested under my ribs since birth

that I have failed to name

School St.

Churning away time, walking through dusk
Up dusty double track to the new subdivision
Great owl took flight from a fencepost
My dog straining to catch so many desert scents

Light drains from the sky, one pinprick star
Neighborhood kids pedal glow stick bikes

So tell me about everything in this town
Winding down School Street, your childhood home
Feet heavy with dew from cutting through yards
Sandals pad driveways, gravelly steps

I stall outside my house and linger
Ponder how to stretch the night longer
Let your silhouette recede under the streetlamp
Knowing sleep will elude me tonight

Outside/Inside

20200520_120438

I walked through the neighborhood before dusk
A lilac breeze blowing enough to wonder about a jacket, so
I tucked into myself a little tighter

Thinking isn’t it funny how I invite the natural world into my house
With my plants, my pets, my own body and all its strange/perfect biology
Into this place considered not-nature

Yet out here crows fly toting sticks for nests,
Poppies flourish in a violent orange,
Frost creeps through the grass even in June,
Tufts of cotton float through the sky,
as I shift between outside/inside

a million triangles

i didn’t want to lie
but i also didn’t tell you
as he was on me breathing
horrible decay on my cheek
i easily dissociated

to the mexican restaurant on main st.
where you told me you were adopted
and i folded my napkin into a million triangles

we studied each other with smiles
to communicate what words lacked
my throat choked with-love??
but it was much too early to say that

snow n my dog

bundled cozy by the holiday lights w/ soft sweet chai
to heat my snowy heart — me & my dog
running thru the falling flakes
can’t outrun my problems tho —
my heartache remained after we thawed
out in the Honda backseat, dog tired
her lil head bobbing into sleep