Reclaim Myself

I am tired of all the waiting, the excuses,
the endless I got caught ups,
me putting on make-up and eating candy
to pass the time, tired of wondering
when I will deserve to be a priority,
sick of hanging onto the words of another boy,
sick of you, and all the yous I’ve met
and wasted my sweet time on, growing impatient,
boiling like a kettle forgotten on the stove,
feeling forgotten one too many times.

I am ready to cast off all these ties and lines
which anchor me to your validation, to your words,
to throw my vessel into the roaring sea and
set sail without a map, to reclaim myself alone,
ready to chart a course to a new land where
I am not just someone’s fantasy, not just
available to make you feel better, but am
myself without you, my true self, and
I do not linger in the pain you’ve caused me.

Something Summertime

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I am chilled coffee and cream at sunrise,
too many scars in a bikini,
a pale diamond in my bellybutton
soaking up warmth on the dock by the lake.

You are Grizzly chew, always spitting,
and downing cold beers like water;
rough cheeks and fresh sheets,
stretched on your stomach as you dream.

If you don’t love me, it’s okay.
I will exist with or without this.
Kisses are not promises,
like I used to believe.

I Am a Rotten Fruit

So appealing at first glance
You’re admiring my supple pink skin
Too distracted by sweetness to notice
The quiet alcoholic tang of my fermentation
But halfway through
The wrongness becomes apparent
The bruised flesh and spotted decay
Tasting of clotted earth scorched in the sun
And the mash of soft apples underfoot
Spit me out and discard
Another boy will pick me up soon
Toss me from hand to hand
It’s tough to spot a rotten fruit

Date

a dive bar rendezvous with one jack russell
terrier lounging on the sticky floor
you had ordered whisky and
i studied your profile

we shot a game of pool
i couldn’t get the angles right

three people are in love with me

back at your townhouse
i marveled at how the trinkets on your desk
sat in a perfectly straight line
hardback books dust-free

you kissed my arms and
i wept

it was not because of you