I Didn’t Know Your Love

I didn’t know, Mom
How gently you held me to your chest
The hours invested in my nourishment
The nights you were the only one awake with me
The days you forfeited to make me
A little bit of a better person
Years slipped by like baby steps
Trips to Safeway for licorice
At every piano recital and gymnastics meet
Every haircut, heartbreak, and injury

The love you poured into me and you got nothing
The love you poured around me when I closed myself up
As I dug at my arms with a switchblade and
Wrote notes on how to tie a noose and
Pushed away my birthday cake and
Shut myself in my room to get high
Spent nights crawling out my window to
Lie to you
Thinking I wanted to die
So I refused you
And everything you offered

And I’m sorry, Mom
When I was younger, I didn’t know
Your love is vast like the ocean
Your love still sheds light in early hours
Your love comes back like the tide on the shore
Your love is an unmoving mountain I tried to destroy
Your love is the sun I see each morning and forget to acknowledge

And I’m sorry it took me so long to discover
When I was younger, Mom
I didn’t know

4 thoughts on “I Didn’t Know Your Love

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