It is time for me to let go.
To venture into the frightening unknown. Time to give up my control. Things get worse before they get better. Time to let go of unhealthy patterns, sleepless nights, and abusing my body. I want to get better…
I’m heading into one of the most terrifying places I’ve ever been to. And I have been to a few. I have held hands with anorexia and listened to my heartbeat slow. I have slept on the streets in the rain, made my bed in a drainage ditch, and walked the city streets alone at night. And now I am headed somewhere new — to solitude, the unknown.
I saw this quote yesterday on a journal in a gift shop:
I was quite convinced that it was written for very depressed people like myself. And that got me down. This fuckin’ rainstorm, man. What if it lasts for way too long? Like for months? Rationally, I understood the sentiment behind it, but couldn’t connect it at all to my life. And that made me feel like a failure.
No, it’s not about learning to dance in the rain.
It’s about understanding that no matter how furious the rainstorm, something will provide me shelter eventually. To know I’m not alone, ever. No one can do this alone. I must realize that as I’m entering darkness, the universe will illuminate my footsteps.