Yesterday I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. Yippee!
It doesn’t mean much to me. I know what I’ve been feeling for many years, and I see how it has only gotten worse over time. A new diagnosis doesn’t change that. Things have been hard lately. In the past few months, I’ve had so many medication changes and so many emotions stirred up in counseling that I feel nothing is stable.
I have been acting on some very self-destructive urges in the last few days, and my roommates are very worried and stressed out about it. I didn’t want them to treat me differently, but I wanted to be truthful and so I told them about things. Now I feel that I am on suicide watch.
I have been falling behind in school. I think I can make it to the end of the quarter, as there are only 3 more weeks, but my grades will be less than outstanding. All the work seems trivial at this point.
I have no appetite, but because of my history with restricting food and starving myself, I force myself to eat. Nothing sounds good. There have been a lot of almond butter and jelly sandwiches.
My support system is willing to listen at any time… but it feels futile. Talking can only do so much. I feel that no one can give me what I want.
What is there to do? I’m so very tired of this.