Nothing

There’s no reason to put on makeup. I won’t feel beautiful.
There’s no point to leaving the house and going to school.
Who cares if I graduate? If it means I will feel the same way.
I will never amount to anything, I will never succeed, I will never feel fulfilled.

I become anxious sitting in my classes.
Afraid of staying still. Afraid of moving forward.
I want to quit everything, but then I will really have nothing.
And I’m afraid I would give up entirely.

I feel tired all the time, from the moment I wake up.
It would be nice to go back to bed. I feel guilty to be resting.
There are lots of people to talk to, but I don’t think they know how I feel.

It’s a long journey, and I will die alone, as we all do.
I will become a tiny grain of sand in the vast desert of the universe.

And people will miss me, but they will eventually forget, or die, too.
All of our memories are lost with time.

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8 thoughts on “Nothing

  1. It made me sad to read this. I can’t relate and it’s hard for me to understand the feelings you have, but it’s definitely good to put them on paper. Make up doesn’t make a person beautiful, it’s what’s within your heart and I am sure your heart is full of beauty! Love your pic with chickens, made me smile. 🙂

    • Thanks for reading and for the kind words. I have been feeling very sad lately, and clearly that is making its way into my writing. But I really appreciate your comment. Those chickens loved me. They would jump into my lap and on my arms to perch. 🙂

      • I love chickens and just about every animal! 🙂 When I had some sad days I looked at the nature and was able to find moments of joy as simple as sun peeking through the clouds, a budding tree, a bird or a squirrel on a branch… Seeing that life is happening all around me made me aware that I am a part of a big picture and that made me feel good.

  2. Hey Kari. Many people, and many young people, do go through times of depression, and it must be terrible. I am much “older” than you and have not suffered as you are or have, but I have a sister who has suffered depression since she was young, so I understand a little bit from the outside.

    From reading part of your blog, I see where you have much going for you. You have talent for writing to start with, and it holds the reader’s attention. You are also an intelligent young lady, with a great deal of potential in your life.

    You have much to offer others.

    Look at your accomplishments in life so far. Make a list of the positive things in your life, and concentrate on them, and working in them.

    You do need to rest at times, and not feel guilty for resting, it is a necessity.

    One last thing, or I could go on for a while yet, is that you are a beautiful young lady, with or without makeup. And you have inner beauty that is seen in your writing.

    Looking forward to more of your writing. God’s Blessings.

    • Thank you, George. So thoughtful of you to write this response for me. I do think it would be wise for me to concentrate on the positive things and accomplishments, as I often forget them or cast them aside.
      I appreciate your thoughts and compliments and I know that you do great work in your life, helping and looking out for others. Thank you for that! Many blessings.

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