Self(ie) Reflection

Photo on 12-26-14 at 1.14 PM

Me being intimidating. YEAH.

People have told me that I can come across as intimidating, intense, mean, overly confident, etc. While part of me will never believe that I am capable of intimidation, in some way, I really enjoy hearing these comments.

Let me explain. For most of my life, I was very quiet and shy. This is different from being introverted, which I am as well. An introvert needs to spend time alone to recharge. Introversion and extroversion are more personality traits than anything else. Being shy is more indicative of social anxiety and insecurity.

Up until my late teenage years (recently), I was extremely shy. It was difficult for me to make friends in school, especially when I was in a large group of people and expected to interact with others. Talking to a group is still difficult for me. But I believe that my inner change from shy to confident slowly blossomed from a period of self-discovery I went through during ages 19 and 20. I was in intensive therapy and treatment for anorexia, foremost, and later for depression and anxiety. During this time I had to confront my low self-esteem and utter lack of self-worth.

It took a long time for me to gain real confidence, and sometimes it still feels tenuous or fake. And I’m still quiet. I’m not as shy, but I am a quiet person by nature, I think. Either way, it feels good to know I seem confident. I worked hard for that!

But, in a self-gratifying and somewhat twisted way, I do enjoy hearing that people see me as intimidating. Ha! Me! In my mind, I will forever look like the silly chipmunk-cheeked child that no one can take seriously.

Photo on 12-26-14 at 1.26 PM #2

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3 thoughts on “Self(ie) Reflection

  1. Hey, my name’s Elizabeth (+Flora) and I’m introverted as well. However I’m not sure if i’m shy or not. Let me explain.
    It depends whether I seem shy or confident on the group of people I’m surrounded by. I think if those people annoy me then i might seem shy and stupid not socializing with anyobody. But I know when i kinda like the group I’m intimidating and super active.. i guess i could even be the leader or something haha.
    That’s a reason why some of my close friends or my sister finds me confusing. They think i have like multiple personalities or i don’t know. Which i do not have.

    • I think shyness is when you don’t feel confident around people, especially new people, and so you aren’t comfortable speaking up. If the people annoy you and you’d rather not socialize with them, I don’t consider that a display of shyness.
      It seems to me that you just save your socializing for when you feel like it’s worth your time!

      Thanks for the comment! 🙂

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