Seeking a professional reassurer with experience in doubt and fear removal. You will be the objective, rational voice for a highly anxious individual. The ideal candidate would demonstrate a calm and soothing demeanor at all times, with quick, accurate answers to questions such as “My life has begun to feel so dull and meaningless lately and I think I’m just going to waste everything I’ve been given, including $50,000 at the University… AAHH what do I do?!” and “Is this dress too tight in the middle? I think I’ve gained weight. Oh god, I look like I’m pregnant. I can’t go to my brother’s wedding tonight in this, I’ll just go for a 13-mile run instead,” and “It’s 4 PM and I just drank a green tea with 70 mg of caffeine, is that too much to drink this late in the day? If I’m up all night I’m going to be so cranky at work tomorrow,” and “Do you think my brother hates me for missing his wedding? His wife doesn’t like me either and now I’m probably never going to meet my nephews! What’s wrong with me and why am I so unloveable?” 2+ years experience in crisis aversion or young adult counseling preferred. Opportunity for advancement to client’s nurse/psychiatrist/therapist/tissue provider/shoulder to cry on/body pillow. Compensation is $11.25-14.25/hr DOE, as well as biannual vacations with the client to a “rest and relaxation retreat”. 135-168 hrs/wk depending on client’s needs and erratic sleep schedule. Please send resumé and references to MyLyfsuXX@aol.com to begin the preliminary screening process. We ask for a 10-year commitment to start with, as the client has abandonment issues.